Yeah, yeah, I know...I promised to write something about Magaluf for quite some time...here you go:
It started all pretty nice, Silke and me went for a couples-holiday in the southeast of Mallorca. We found a cheap rate for a very nice 4-star hotel in Ses Sallines (C'an Bonico). All very fancy, less that 25 rooms, a nice big and cozy bed, free (and good) internet and always an empty pool. Nice days at the surrounding beaches, sun, and tasty dinners in all the villages. We visited Palma for one day...and yeah...didn't like the city...too many Germans. However, we did all this because I had the Predoc retreat in Magaluf, so after 4 days we packed our bags checked out Mallorcas big outlet and finally returned our rental car at the airport and enjoyed the zoo (or aiport) for a few hours. Then I started my trip to Magaluf...
Magaluf is to British chavs what El Arenal is to German Assis. This was already apparent by the time I arrived at my first hotel (just for the 1st night). Almost everyone in the lobby was the pure definition of "Chav"...or worse...Next funny thing - together with my room key (to get it I had to leave my passport...) I was handed a price list for destruction...literally, this was a list which had prices for destroying items in the room...destroy the wardrobe - €500,-...destroy the TV €200,-...throw something from the balcony just €100,-...cheap, cheap, cheap!!!
Joe made it to Magaluf at around 11:30pm, to properly greet him I already bought a few beers and a small bottle of Morgans spiced.It went pretty much downhill from there on. After finishing the beer and the Morgans spiced we went back to the "strip"...just to give you an impression...if you ever thought the Reeperbahn was a shitty place full of retards, go to the "strip" in Magaluf and you will compare the Reeperbahn to an eloquent meeting place full of people having highly intelligent conversations. In Magaluf you went out at like 8pm, the first people are puking in the street...and the amount of puking in the streets rises gradually...at some point in the night almost half of the people are vomiting their guts out...and some are even fucking while doing that.
But back to the story...we were amazed by the cheap prices...a Pint of beer for €1 or €1,50...and all the longdrinks in Pint glasses - nothing smaller (drink all the pints!!!). The most "expensive" drink was a pint of Vodka/RedBull. Take a Pint-glass, pour in a can of RedBull (0.25l) add some ice cubes and fill up with Vodka...make the calculation...€5,-. Invigorated by this drink of the devil we danced the night away, got rid of our shirts in between, Joe found a new friend in the toiletboy (and gave him a lot of tip), someone stole liquor from the bar...and we all drank it...and I enjoyed the drum'n'bass music (which sadly seems to be the music of le chav in the UK). At like 4pm...or 5pm...or 6pm...whatever...Joe and me decided to leave the bar and go back to the hotel...after maybe 15m we were dragged into the next bar - Absinthe and a Pint of longdrink for €5,-...yeaaaaah!!!! After this drink we finally made it home...well...after wrestling through a bunch of african and british whores (real whores, the kind that takes money for whatever). But we made it to the hotel...had another beer...and I blacked out...
The next morning...where am I...who am I...what am I? Getting up...toilet...the whole bedroom was flooded (and crumpler bags are really waterproof)...clothes lying around everywhere...everything was lying around...well besides Joes phone...that was gone...and we never found it again...Magaluf had it ;) We even made it out of the hotel at the check-out time and slowly went to our "conference" hotel...yeah...they have something like this in Magaluf...gladly, we could check in at 11:30, went to our room and slept the hangover off ;)
In the afternoon we had breakfast, met some people, went to the pool...but I couldn't stomach more than a liter of Sangria that night (laaaaaaame).
On Saturday I gave a very, very good talk, everyone loved the otter and the twins...well...almost...but you can't make everyone happy. That night we went for Karaoke...Scooter's "Back in the UK" is my new Karaoke favorite! There was also this old, wrinkly dude named Randy who sang "My way" like 3 times...I think the DJ was quite happy when we left (I did like 5 or 6 songs...can't remember). We almost went to BCM Planet Dance...but decided €15,- is too much for 1hour of free bar and just went swimming at 4pm and shared one last beer in the hotel. No blackout though! Wooohoooo!
Here is a nice Youtube video about Magaluf...It is like Disneyland - a seriously FUCKED up Disneyland!
Karaoke! ...sorry Serena...
On Sunday Joe and me left Magaluf for the All-inclusive hotel we had rented for the last two days...just to chill, drink a little and lay low. Well...we expected this hotel to be of mixed nationalities and maybe even some normal people...
We thought wrong.
The "Animation" ...and the crowded bar...
The hotel was full of all the people who couldn't afford Magaluf, or already had more than 2 children at 20 (teenage pregnancy - wohoooo). But we made the best of it and saw it as a visit to the zoo or circus (or Jeremy Kyle/Wife Swap/Supernanny live...)...they had strict rules as well, such as "Don't let you baby into the pool if it is wearing diapers / has diarrhea"...just look at the following pictures...
...yaaaaay...
Another funny thing...the hotel was full of children...awake at 1am...the chidlrens movie each night started at 9pm...(so Mummy and Daddy can get drunk and fight)...funniest part...there were no school holidays in Britian at that time ;) Joe's comment: "I don't get it...my parents where never rich either...but I never had to go to a place like this".
Ah yeah...on Monday we got shitfaced again...after getting 16 Rum/Coke at 23:55 (4 per person...twice) we went to some club close to the hotel with some irish people (one just out of jail) we met...and blacked out again ;)
Tuesday - back to Palma, comic book store (all spanish...FFFFUUUUUU)...and some fun at the airport (German Assis and British Chavs together ;)
